I recently experienced the unshackling emotional freedom of unearthing requited love of self, the removal of ancient doubt and blame. The effervescent tumult of an ocean of suppressed emotions; guilt, blame, doubt rising to the surface, to be released upon the shores of my soul by the breaking waves of tears.
I obliterated a box of tissues at my therapist’s office. It was the most intense, traumatic, yet therapeutic, session. Bringing understanding and clarity to my thoughts and actions thirty years ago. The influence and direction it created in my life. The discovery and release only possible through the accumulated self-development of three years hard work.
When the lightbulb of self-realization illuminated my soul, the feelings were not shareable. So personal that I could not begin to articulate them in a way meaningful for others to possibly understand, nor appreciate the internal consequences maturing within my mind.
Yesterday I was able to smile, love and support in ways I have previously struggled with. Where before I may have looked inwards with introspective guilt, pity and anguish, instead I provided support and compassion.
I know the euphoria of new discoveries will wane, but the knowledge received will remain, and guide me along better paths.
I can’t change my past, I can use mine to help refine my decision making, so that my present moments are guided along a healthy, compassionate, and fulfilling path for me and those I love.
It is the ability of a tree to bend in the wind
that keeps it from toppling.
Our natural tenderness
is our true strength
– A Path and a Practice, William Martin
I am a work in progress.
May I be safe,
be at peace.