Moribund morning elocution
Why is it hard to change the way your mind works? Why is it hard to do the things you know will bring you the most happiness? Why is it that depression is the easiest path? Why does depression want more depression and drags you to its depths?
I know that I must sit quietly and talk myself through the morning mourning. To remind myself that my path is so much better than before. To remind myself of the love that I am surrounded by, and that I am becoming a better partner, husband, father, lover.
I need time alone inside my head, I need to journey through the sorrow and emerge the other side with clarity and purpose of heart. When I don’t walk this path I instead suppress the mental maturation necessary to be at peace, instead allowing it to fester in my forehead bringing with it a fog of pain, misery and self-doubt.
Today I will make, again, the decision that my journey is towards the peace and love of life with my lady. There is no other path down which I will find what my heart and head needs. No drugs can replace the chemistry that our entwined bodies create, no substitute exists for the empathy of her caress on my face or her lips on mine. It may have taken a cataclysm of bad paths traveled to get here, but I know where here is, now.
Maybe today I don’t need to walk the path after all. Or maybe just writing this was today’s journey to my day’s destination. So, to distract me (a common act to reduce the dwelling moribund thoughts) let me ruminate on some spiritual thoughts.
My journey has been taking me towards a deepening practice of yoga and meditation. A couple of weekends ago, Jacquelyn and I spent a weekend at a Yoga Retreat in Northern Minnesota, plenty of practicing our asanas, plus some education on chakras and doshas. One particular session, caught my interest, more perhaps because it contradicted something that I had read recently. The teacher was discussing how we are all “one” and then was referring obliquely to the color change of the trees in Minnesota (it is that lovely time of year when Minnesota turns golden, reds and yellows, as the leaves fall.) I was struck by the statement from the teacher that we don’t change the leaves. My thought process was, if we are all one, then don’t we all change everything? If all humans affect each other, don’t we by extension affect all entities? This may seem all a little ethereal, but rest assured I am a pragmatic scientist at my core.
Matter is energy, we are matter, so we are energy. Energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed, there is only one connected system of energy transfer, so we are all connected. Whether one understands and accepts the Grand Unified Theory or Quantum Mechanics or String Theory, it is hard to argue against the interconnectedness and that each of us possesses the ability to affect one and other.
When one accepts the notion of a closed connected energy system, then one can understand how energy transfers from a living being to ashes as they die and are cremated. Which are transferred into the ground, which nourishes and feeds a blade of grass, to the animal that eats the grass. It is easy to understand why some cultures believe in reincarnation, one can use scientific understanding to see the matter and energy transference between each step. You can now buy an urn which is combined with a seed to allow your body to feed and nourish a tree. How perfect would that be? When you die you can help suck the CO2 out of the atmosphere that your actions put there, something to think about adding to the will? I digress. My point being if we are all One, then we are most likely One with everything not just everyone. So, by extension we do change the trees. Potentially, I am creating a reduction and absurdum or at best an argument unlikely to be proved a tautology.
Today will be a good day, its date night.